They say opposites attract and there's no doubt that German Girlfriend (GGF) and I are like chalk and cheese. Our differences have drawn us together and give us both plenty of fodder to jest and joke at each other with, but there's one difference that is no joking matter in this relationship or any other. It's a difference that I think has the ability to repel even the closest of partners, cause the greatest strain and poses the greatest threat to any relationship.
GGF is a senior manager whilst I lost my job in August and now survive on unemployment benefit; our incomes as extreme as our chalk and cheese personalities. Even before I was made redundant though, our incomes were a noticeable (to us) few thousand apart. Differences in wage are hard I think on any relationship, gay or straight. I struggle with it. It has not always been the case that I'm the skint one. I have been in the situation with a previous girlfriend when I was the one that had the riches; it was equally tough and I believe, contributed to its demise.
I know of other (gay) relationships where the incomes are also extreme and the partner, dependant on the other, have no qualms spending their partners money as if it's their own. People are quick to say, 'wouldn't it be lovely to be the kept one', but the reality can be far from idyllic as you lose independence, become akin to a child where your 'guardian' has control over the purse strings and therefore it takes a certain individual to be happy in that situation.
Even if like GGF and I, you don't live together, money still affects everything. It determines what you can do together from how many (if any) holidays or trips can be taken, whether you can join your mates (and girlfriend) down the pub, go out for a restaurant meal or having to deliberate over invitations to events, concerts and shows because you can't afford the ticket and travel prices. The choice becomes when and if to do things together and when and what the girlfriend pays for. Agony Aunt columns on the matter often refer to disputes over additional choices for those living together like who pays what with household bills and other household items.
I'm fiercely independent and a complete control freak, neither of which help me deal with being the dependent pauper. I hate someone else having to pay out for me, it gives me a huge sense of guilt and shame. GGF says she doesn't care, jokes (seriously) that when I get back on my feet, she'll put hers up - though she's even more fiercely independent than me, so would hate the reality too!
In previous generations, this financial divide would have been the norm with the stay at home housewife and mother, but the norm now is both partners working whereby financial differences can have a huge influence on a relationship, my advice is simply to never underestimate it.
