I had anticipated that New Years Eve was going to be uneventful. I'd invited a friend I've known since my university days to Brighton to come and celebrate with me. Together with the girlfriend we headed to join others at the popular local gay pub.
I should have known that lesbians in a room together consuming alcohol is always going to lead to trouble in someone's quarter. I immediately sensed a problem brewing in mine when, a couple of hours into drinking, my shy and timid visiting friend returned from the bar,
"I've been chatting to a couple of girls at the bar. It's a really weird situation they've got going on. They've recently broken up but are out together."
"Don't get involved" I tell my mate, but know she's already too involved into the unfolding and unresolved issues of someone's else's relationship, may be to escape her own.
I notice one of the girls from the couple is hovering nearby and I feel annoyed by it.
Annoyed because this is what lesbians do. Instead of dealing with or accepting the crumbling state of their relationship, they bring their dirty laundry to (in this case) the pub, involve and use others (stupid enough to get involved) to create jealously and push buttons in their partner.
All becomes distracted by Chiming Big Ben on the overhead speakers counting down those last 10 seconds of 2013.
We toast in the new year and attempt to sing Old Lang Syne but like most of the British populace I suspect, end up humming for the majority.
My friend disappears again.
A short time later she hurtles back at break-neck speed with a girl chasing her who slaps/pushes my friend's back in aggression and storms out the back door. My friend hides behind us.
"Oh my God, I've just kissed one of the girls from the couple at the bar and the girlfriend didn't like it! It was stupid of me but I just felt sorry for her" she tells me like a naughty school child.
"This is soooo typically lesbian!" I reply in my best teacher tone.
We rally the girls we're out with in case of further aggressive outbursts - this is when butch lesbians come into their own! I can see the girlfriend from the couple pacing outside.
Whilst my friend continues to hide behind us, all seems to calm down and the couple disappear in the throng of New Year celebrants. We decide it's the perfect opportunity to slip out and head home.
