The New Girlfriend Gets Upgraded

The weekend before last, The New Girlfriend and I celebrated our first anniversary together by heading over to Berlin for their annual (Pride) Lesbian and Gay Street Festival. It was a perfect way to celebrate our relationship and mark the last 12 months together. We bought each other gifts too whilst there - The New Girlfriend bought me a pretty necklace of blue beads (blue is my favourite colour) and I bought her a large mug (hand-made!) for her morning coffee - which I insist on pointing out she was equally delighted with!

Even with my 'committed' relationship status though I still don't seem to experience the usual traits of 'lesbian coupledom'. When asking The New Girlfriend what should I do if The Flatmate moves out at the end of the tenancy, The New Girlfriend stated simply "You'll just have to get a new flatmate". So there won't be any removal vans turning up anytime soon!

The New Girlfriend also likes her own space to chill out alone or catch up with friends but then I also like a lot of time to myself to do my own projects such as blogging here on IOASN. Many of the lesbian relationships I see taking place with friends would be far too claustrophobic and intense for me to be comfortable in. I guess me and the The New Girlfriend have that in common with each other, even if not with other lesbian couples.

Since we celebrated our first anniversary a number of friends have commented that The New Girlfriend is, well, not so new anymore and she needs an upgrade on IOASN.  So I've been pondering and The New Girlfriend said she 'hopes it's nice' (?????). So after some thought and based on The New Girlfriend being German and therefore known to most already as 'German ........' which she doesn't seem to take offence at, I've decided to update The New Girlfriend to  *drumroll please* .......

..........the 'German Girlfriend' or 'GGF' for short.

I know not very exciting, but now that's not a usual anniversary gift for most girls!

Lesbian Obession with Men and Sex

"You've never slept with a man have you?" The Flatmate asks reconfirming what she's heard.

This conversation started because The Flatmate and I were discussing a woman we knew having a very masculine like attitude at times.

"No" I confirm. "I am a 'Gold Star' lesbian," or 'thoroughbred' which is the new modern term (Stallion for boys).
"Not even touched 'it'?! she now questions, wanting specifics on what exactly I have and haven't done with a man.
"No" I state blandly, completely uninterested in this now developing conversation thread.
"But you've had boyfriends?" she frowns perplexed
"Yes, but I came out quite young" I point out.
"And you never had sex at all in any form" she persists.
"No" I repeat.

Satisfied about my 'Gold Star' status, conversation moves on. But this type of enquiry and conversation around who came out when and our history of heterosexual relationships with men is not uncommon within a lesbian group or among friends.

It's weird how as lesbians, we're all quite un-interested in lesbian sex with many considering companionship and the state of their relationship outside of the sheets more important, quite happily letting 'lesbian bed death' occur after the first initial months. Yet lesbians seem preoccupied and rather obsessed about any form of sex involving men.

Just as the conversation with The Flatmate demonstrated, amongst a social circle of friends we'll all know who's had boyfriends in their past, the longest relationship with a man and even when their last heterosexual relationship was or like me, who are the 'thoroughbred' lesbians. However, we often know very little about each others girlfriend history unless we've had direct experience whilst being friends.

Lesbian's do not just have an obsession with the men in each others lives, as it extends to an obsession with whether our sexual practises are similar to that of heterosexual sex, especially with the use of toys. I've had girls reject any type of penetration and say no to the use of any type of dildo linking it to 'emulating men' and heterosexual identity. The sex survey by Diva magazine got girls all heated over the issue on their Facebook page with camps firmly split between those who refuse to use toys in the bedroom and those who do...

Then there's bisexuality which gets lesbians even hotter for all the wrong reasons; hearing a lesbian say 'I won't date a bisexual' is probably one of the most heard statements within the community. Again lesbians obsessing about men and sex, confusing bisexuality with polyamory or non-monogamy in the process. Whilst those who identify as transgender have equally felt excluded and isolated out by the hatred and prejudice from lesbians. 


Then there are lesbians who do still sleep with men for a multitude of potentially complex reasons; a complete taboo in the lesbian community. Admit to this as a lesbian, you could find your sexuality questioned, yourself isolated from your friends and shunned from your friendship groups. The level of venom expressed again on the Diva magazine Facebook page about the subject forced me to respond...

It's interesting to me that (for whatever reasons) I've noticed just how obsessed lesbians are with men and sex, whether that be talking about it in relation to our pasts and establishing our sexual identity with peers, distancing ourselves from any perceived 'emulation' within our present and rejecting those whose identity is still intertwined with men and sex with men.

What perplexes me further is that despite this 'obsession-rejection'of men, lesbians will obsessively watch 22 men run around a football pitch and hibernate for the Euro 2012 to do so! Go figure?! 

Why do lesbians like football?

I'm yawning, the cat's yawning and the New Girlfriend is gripped to the TV watching 22 men kick a white ball. It can only mean one thing, the Euro 2012 football has started and Germany are playing Portugal. It's Saturday night and I'm being made to sit through 90 minutes of the most male dominated testosterone driven sport in the world.

I have never understood the lesbian obsession with football. Why are gay women so into watching 22 (mostly ugly) men run around a pitch chasing a white ball and on occasion acting like cry-babies just so they can get a penalty shot?

I absolutely hate football. I hate it because of all it represents - the gender inequality that exists in society with women's football not even shown on TV, even though the England Women's team is ranked ninth in the world (the England Men's team ranked seventh), the fact that David Beckham earns £26.2m compared to Faye White, England's female captain who earns a measly £16,000, despite both having very similar success records in their football careers, and the fact that the FA is an all-male dominated hierarchy.

It's not even as if the men who play this sport act as good role models (yes, I am going to generalise!) Open up any paper, and invariably there's a story about these high paid footballer's behaviour off pitch that's less than desirable; on a relatively frequent basis stories about rape, abuse, sex scandals or just downright disrespect towards wannabe WAG's. I've not even touched on all the other issues (like homophobia)!

I just do not get why lesbian's would choose to watch and support such a situation. Why and how they can enjoy it so much that venture out to the local dyke bar, the venue will have the football on the big screen otherwise they risk having very low if any customers (except me of course)!

I just don't get it. May be you can explain?