Lesbian Obession with Men and Sex

"You've never slept with a man have you?" The Flatmate asks reconfirming what she's heard.

This conversation started because The Flatmate and I were discussing a woman we knew having a very masculine like attitude at times.

"No" I confirm. "I am a 'Gold Star' lesbian," or 'thoroughbred' which is the new modern term (Stallion for boys).
"Not even touched 'it'?! she now questions, wanting specifics on what exactly I have and haven't done with a man.
"No" I state blandly, completely uninterested in this now developing conversation thread.
"But you've had boyfriends?" she frowns perplexed
"Yes, but I came out quite young" I point out.
"And you never had sex at all in any form" she persists.
"No" I repeat.

Satisfied about my 'Gold Star' status, conversation moves on. But this type of enquiry and conversation around who came out when and our history of heterosexual relationships with men is not uncommon within a lesbian group or among friends.

It's weird how as lesbians, we're all quite un-interested in lesbian sex with many considering companionship and the state of their relationship outside of the sheets more important, quite happily letting 'lesbian bed death' occur after the first initial months. Yet lesbians seem preoccupied and rather obsessed about any form of sex involving men.

Just as the conversation with The Flatmate demonstrated, amongst a social circle of friends we'll all know who's had boyfriends in their past, the longest relationship with a man and even when their last heterosexual relationship was or like me, who are the 'thoroughbred' lesbians. However, we often know very little about each others girlfriend history unless we've had direct experience whilst being friends.

Lesbian's do not just have an obsession with the men in each others lives, as it extends to an obsession with whether our sexual practises are similar to that of heterosexual sex, especially with the use of toys. I've had girls reject any type of penetration and say no to the use of any type of dildo linking it to 'emulating men' and heterosexual identity. The sex survey by Diva magazine got girls all heated over the issue on their Facebook page with camps firmly split between those who refuse to use toys in the bedroom and those who do...

Then there's bisexuality which gets lesbians even hotter for all the wrong reasons; hearing a lesbian say 'I won't date a bisexual' is probably one of the most heard statements within the community. Again lesbians obsessing about men and sex, confusing bisexuality with polyamory or non-monogamy in the process. Whilst those who identify as transgender have equally felt excluded and isolated out by the hatred and prejudice from lesbians. 


Then there are lesbians who do still sleep with men for a multitude of potentially complex reasons; a complete taboo in the lesbian community. Admit to this as a lesbian, you could find your sexuality questioned, yourself isolated from your friends and shunned from your friendship groups. The level of venom expressed again on the Diva magazine Facebook page about the subject forced me to respond...

It's interesting to me that (for whatever reasons) I've noticed just how obsessed lesbians are with men and sex, whether that be talking about it in relation to our pasts and establishing our sexual identity with peers, distancing ourselves from any perceived 'emulation' within our present and rejecting those whose identity is still intertwined with men and sex with men.

What perplexes me further is that despite this 'obsession-rejection'of men, lesbians will obsessively watch 22 men run around a football pitch and hibernate for the Euro 2012 to do so! Go figure?!