Remembering Gavin with the Hankie Quilt Project

The Hankie Project is 'a Brighton & Hove based community project created to support those who are living with HIV/AIDS and to remember those we have lost'. The community is invited to be creative and submit a 12” x 12” hankie or panel with the name and a personal message on it as a lasting memory. Groups and business are also invited to submit larger panels which can be added to the Quilt.

The Hankie Quilt carried at Brighton Pride

When I found out about the Hankie Quilt Project, I knew immediately who I would do a panel for. My best friend Gavin. Gavin died on October 4th 2005 aged 29. He had been living with HIV for 8 years. His death was sudden and unexpected, following what was described as a 'routine operation'. He wasn't meant to die, the operation wasn't meant to be life threatening – but 24 hours after surgery and he was no longer alive.

For the last two days I have been cutting and stitching my panel. I chose a sunflower for my panel because in the book of registered deaths at the cemetery where his ashes lay, his mum chose a sunflower for his inscription. I'm not sure of the significance, but know she chose it with purpose, so it felt the most appropriate symbol to represent Gavin on the panel.

Gavin had always struggled with his HIV status. To the outside world Gavin put on a brave face and seemed to just get on with life and it, but internally in his head his status effected him mentally and emotionally and he was ill quite a lot with AIDS related viruses and infections.

At first I wanted to do the panel for Gavin to represent his presence within the Brighton LGBT community attending support and social groups and volunteering for Allsorts Youth Project;  his friendships with many from the community who still live here including me; his presence in Brighton marked by something permanent. But as I stitched over a number of hours I questioned whether he'd appreciate it, realising how much this was for me and my need to remember him – hence I made his name more subtle on the panel than in bold big letters!

His name in letters - a bit more subtle

As I stitched I remembered all the wonderful memories I have of our time together, stuff that's so easy to forget – the things he loved to do, the little things he liked, the things we did together, his personality perfectly described in Allsorts' tribute as ' a softness of character sat alongside a very steely core that would speak up against any form of injustice with a rage and a determination'. I thought about the others he knew who also miss him and the people I don't know from the groups and services he attended that may see the panel and recognise his name. It gave me great joy to do this and lots of tears too.

My finished piece

Gavin wrote two pieces for Blue Deep Sea (2001), an Allsorts Youth Project anthology of young people’s writings. For this he wrote very honestly about how he contracted HIV, included diary entries about the day he found out, wrote about telling his family and friends, his experience of combination therapy treatments and coming to terms with life living with HIV. You can read his writing's about his experience of HIV in the following tribute by Jess Wood on the Allsorts website (page 45 onwards).

The Quilt of panels will be carried through the city by the Bear-Patrol and friends as part of the Pride Parade on September 1st. The Quilt will then go on Exhibition as part of 'Worlds Aids Day' at the Brighton Library on December 2012.