The true “Power of We” in the LGBT community

Today is Blog Action Day when bloggers globally write about one important topic. This year the theme is 'Power of We'. When I think about this from a lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans (LGBT) perspective, my thoughts immediately interpret 'we' as 'community' – the 'Power of the LGBT community'.  But what is this?

Is there still such a thing as 'community' for those who are LGBT? If community even exists, what power does it hold if any? I refer to the 'Brighton & Hove LGBT community', the organisations in Brighton promote that they exist to provide services to the 'LGBT community' and I get contacted by researchers wanting to engage with; and event organisers wanting to target and sell tickets to the 'LGBT community'. So clearly we think and feel there is a community of sorts. The Collins Dictionary describes community as:

• all the people living in one district.
• A group of people with shared origins or interests.

The Oxford extends this by describing 'community' as:

• a group of people having a particular characteristic in common.

In nearly every city there tends to be a focus around one street or area for those who are LGBT – St. James Street in Brighton, Soho in London, Canal Street in Manchester, Oxford Street in Sydney, Silom in Bangkok and the Schöneberg district in Berlin, to name a few. We might gravitate to these areas when on holiday, moving to a new city or when newly single in order to seek out those 'like us'. These areas tend to be identifiable by 'The Scene', a collection of bars, pubs and clubs catering to LGBT individuals and there tends to be a high ratio of those who identify as LGBT living in these areas.

But what about those who don't relate to or frequent 'The Scene' and who live outside of these 'gay villages'? Do they still feel as if they belong to an LGBT 'community'? You may not live in one of these areas or go on 'The Scene', but according to the dictionary you are by definition part of the 'community' simply by being LGBT. But how does that translate into a sense of belonging?

Whilst I've spent many an hour on 'The Scene', it was the community groups (Allsorts, BLAGSS and Ishigaki Ju Jitsu) that I joined that allowed me to make friends and turned Brighton into my home. I started this blog out of a sense of needing to describe the community and my experiences within it.

Too often we seek from the 'community' to provide for us and meet our needs, thinking about what the community should be doing for us and then moan, complain and even attack it when it fails to do so. May be instead of withdrawing and alienating ourselves from the LGBT community or expressing apathy towards it – we should do something about it! Ask yourself 'what can I offer the LGBT community to ensure my needs are met from it and that of others'? It's down to us as individuals to make the 'community' feel our own so that we feel a belonging to it. If we all gave a little of our time, energy and commitment to organise, partake and contribute what we felt was missing from the community...we'd discover the true 'power of we' in the LGBT community.

The two things gay girls will always tell you

There's two common statements that get uttered from just about all single gay girls mouths. Both really annoy me because both are pointless statements. I'll explain why.

The first classic they say is 'they don't do one night stands'.

Whenever one of my friends comes out of a relationship they immediately start wanting to meet someone for their next one. They're horny, they're lonely, they're hurting. I tell them they shouldn't rush in, they should just have some fun, sort out their sexual needs and give themselves some space to heal, enjoy their freedom from a relationship for a while before embarking immediately in another.

Of course this falls on deaf ears.

"I've never had a one night stand" they immediately tell you. "I can't do it. It's just not for me. I just don't do one night stands" they insist, often going on to explain why they would find this difficult.

Before you know it they've hooked up with someone on the pretence of it being a relationship - as I said in 'Relationship on the first date' lesbians don't date - if you have sex you're in a relationship, maybe that's why gay girls pursue sex after friendship?

There should be a new Dictionary definition added,
'Relationship-night stand' - An intense multiple sex-linked erotic experience by (commonly two) lesbians lasting for a brief period of time in which they feel ecstatic and in love.  

The second statement lesbians make is to repeatedly tell you they are not ready for a relationship. But unable to 'do' one night stands, horny, lonely and hurting, dating not part of lesbian courtship; they embark on a 'relationship' with you, suitcases heavier than the 20kg weight allowance. Under the strain or because they catch the eye of another, this becomes a 'relationship-night stand'.

Whenever I hear either of these two statements, I know they mean neither because what they actually mean is they want both at the same time.