GGF always knew (I think!) that I might want children one day, but was unbothered either way so left it to me to decide if and when it was to happen. Then one day, following my 38th birthday after contemplating that it was either now or never and the "is this the right time" question was no longer up for debate, I knew I had to make a decision.
I did so by simply saying to GGF "it's time" and she responded with a simple "OK".
Fast forward six months and the window on the pee stick shows a clear and distinct blue cross. The 12 week milestone feels an agonising wait but when it's successfully reached I feel reluctant to tell others our good news and feel relieved it's not yet noticeable. When you're gay and stop drinking, no-one even assumes it's because you're pregnant, so it's not even mentioned unless you do.
It feels like having to come out all over again, not only to family, but this time to gay friends. I wonder at how they will take this unexpected news? Will it be met with disapproval; by my family because of the unknown half of DNA, by friends for doing something sooo "heterosexual" and by work colleagues, some of whom might have strong views (especially if they'd been listening to Pope Francis reinforcing the Catholic view that only heterosexual parents enables healthy parenting during my 13th week!)
It's a nervous time telling family, wondering if they will accept this grandchild/nephew/niece like they accept their others; I need not have worried, my Mum more surprised than anything.
"I always thought you were a career girl" she says.
"I still am Mum, can't a woman have both? I plan too!"
"Well, as long as it's really what you want"
"Bit late to change my mind!"
(Mum now super excited, once the surprise element had passed!)
Then we cheated, and whilst we had begun to tell some of our friends one by one as we saw them which I found excruciatingly painful, ("how boring" was one response!), we posted a status update on Facebook following our first scan. Phew! Social media making it far easier, although some friends and family still didn't realise it was us having the baby!
We got lots of babysitting offers.
But like all couples, the next element will be who of our friends still wants to hang out with us, once our new family member joins us and life out on the gay scene as we were, is no more.
I did so by simply saying to GGF "it's time" and she responded with a simple "OK".
Fast forward six months and the window on the pee stick shows a clear and distinct blue cross. The 12 week milestone feels an agonising wait but when it's successfully reached I feel reluctant to tell others our good news and feel relieved it's not yet noticeable. When you're gay and stop drinking, no-one even assumes it's because you're pregnant, so it's not even mentioned unless you do.
It's a nervous time telling family, wondering if they will accept this grandchild/nephew/niece like they accept their others; I need not have worried, my Mum more surprised than anything.
"I always thought you were a career girl" she says.
"I still am Mum, can't a woman have both? I plan too!"
"Well, as long as it's really what you want"
"Bit late to change my mind!"
(Mum now super excited, once the surprise element had passed!)
Then we cheated, and whilst we had begun to tell some of our friends one by one as we saw them which I found excruciatingly painful, ("how boring" was one response!), we posted a status update on Facebook following our first scan. Phew! Social media making it far easier, although some friends and family still didn't realise it was us having the baby!
We got lots of babysitting offers.
But like all couples, the next element will be who of our friends still wants to hang out with us, once our new family member joins us and life out on the gay scene as we were, is no more.
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