A Reputation Not Always Earned

I recently acquired a new friend...No; I don’t mean a hand held device which powers by batteries! (You’ve such a dirty mind!) She’d recently split from her partner and like most lesbians when they’ve been in a serious relationship, had been in a cave out of contact with others for most of it. Her gaydar would have struggled to follow the pheromones to the ‘gay village’ even in a city such as Brighton where lesbians are two for a penny. So I offered to initiate her with the local dyke bar and introduce her to the girls I knew. 

I pre-warned her though, ‘Just so you know, everyone will assume you’re my new girlfriend, just because we’re arriving together’.  

Over the threshold and as expected when my new friend disappears to the toilet, mates use the opportunity to get the gossip on the new girl in my life. I tell them we’re just friends, I know her through work,

‘Uh huh, they say, yeah right!’

Another time, another friend (this time someone I’ve known for years) who offers to come with me on a BLAGSS walk. I was nursing a broken heart from a recent split, so she offered to make us a nice picnic. There was no champagne or strawberries dipped in chocolate in a super deluxe no expense spared picnic set. Neither of us looked particularly sexy either in our mud covered boots and layers of old clothing. Lets be honest, if anyone wants to ‘woo’ me, I think they’d know that taking me on a date that involves a seven mile hike is not going to be effective – picnic or not! 

Lunchtime arrives and I’m handed sandwiches by my friend watched by four pairs of eyes. No one says anything but the sound of four lesbian brains going into overdrive is louder than the chirping birds in the nearby tree.  I knew it was only a matter of time before their brains hit meltdown and one of them would ask the inevitable (and for me, cringe-worthy) question on all their lips,

'So, are you two, like together now?’

‘No!’ We say in unison.  

Then walking around town this weekend with my ex, we bump into people we know.  We stop and chat and they enquire how we are. I know they’ll ask my best friend later about whether we’re back together. She rings and confirms the next day,

‘I put them straight’ she tells me. 

“I’m getting a reputation here!” I confide in her. “I’ve been paired up with nearly all the single lesbians I know! When I do meet a girl, she’ll hear I’ve slept with half of Brighton!”

“You have*” my friend retorts, “Just not the one’s people think!”

(*I just want to add here in defence at my best friend's retort that not only have I been unlucky in love, but a large number of people in Brighton have been here a mere few years, compared to my 13 visiting the same dyke bar, and therefore do not have the 'public history' that I do - of course writing a public blog about my life doesn't help the rep either!)