My straight mate has started dating again and during our latest get together I got to hear all about her Saturday night getting chatted up by a 'cute' guy she really 'sparked' with. He flirted at her, and she flirted back and it all sounds great and I am expecting the story to go on to tell me about how amazing he was in bed and how kind and considerate he is and how it's all been blossoming ever since like a fairytale in the 21st Century. But instead the story ends rather abruptly as she tells me they didn't exchange numbers at the end of the night and therefore have no means of seeing each other again.
"Oh", I exclaim in a surprised and somewhat disappointed tone. "Did you not ask him for his phone number or something?" I perplexedly question, this seeming the logical action I would have taken in the same circumstance.
"Ohhhh noooo", she goes on to explain shaking her head at me, "boys must ask girls. If they don't it means they are not interested enough. I would 'never' ask a guy for his phone number!"
So there was her logic, he appeared interested but obviously not enough, end of fairytale story.
It left me thinking about the dating etiquette in the lesbian world where gender roles do not define behaviour and dating protocols and there's a level playing field. In the same situation as my straight mate I would have asked for the phone number.
A few years back I had been single for about eight months, my longest period as a single girl and I desperately wanted to meet someone, even if just for a bit of TLC fun. Pouring my sexually frustrated lonely heart out over a pint, a mate offered me advice that I still believe to be incredibly effective when it comes to dating women.
'You need to make yourself seem available Susan. You are not vulnerable enough. Women want someone who needs them and you give the vibe that you don't need anyone".
The confidence I was giving out in a bid to make me seem more attractive was actually turning girls off! Taking up the advice I dropped the confidence, (which was for show anyway - I'm quite naturally shy) and I changed my body language to be more open and approachable (further tips on this which I've since mastered, can be found on a previous post 'On The Pull At the GO.GO Festival'). It wasn't long before it started to pay off and I was busy with more than one girl eager to ease my frustrations!
Fundamentally though, as lesbians we are not bounded by gender conformities. If I like a girl, I won't let the opportunity pass and unlike my straight mate would ask for a phone number, preferring to push away feelings of possible humiliation that might follow, rather than drive myself crazy with regret for an opportunity I didn't take with a girl I really liked.
Nearly every girl I've ever asked who said yes, has gone on to tell me how much they appreciated me being bold enough to ask them. It seems that nearly all girls are shy but without gender protocol to dictate who, if someone doesn't do the asking there won't be any lesbian dating or loving going on. Just make sure you're giving the right vibe as available and vulnerable enough!
15 Feb 2012
GO.GO Women's Festival Line Up & Arrival of Candy Bar Girls For 2012
Last year I went along to the GO.GO women's festival along with 200 other women from Brighton & Hove to join thousands of females from across the UK. We genuinely had a great time and the moment the dates were announced for 2012 myself, the girlfriend and the same friends that went together last year booked the time off from work without hesitation.
For those that didn't go to the festival , you may have got a taster of the GO.GO style if you attended Brighton Pride in 2011 where GO.GO and Zhoosh, the LGBT Brighton Network I run teamed up together to run the Women's Performance Tent where GO.GO showcased their abilities at attracting the best (and sexiest!) of UK female talent for their stage line-ups, It was a huge success and the tent packed the whole day.
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| Me, having a good time last year at GO.GO |
For those that didn't go to the festival , you may have got a taster of the GO.GO style if you attended Brighton Pride in 2011 where GO.GO and Zhoosh, the LGBT Brighton Network I run teamed up together to run the Women's Performance Tent where GO.GO showcased their abilities at attracting the best (and sexiest!) of UK female talent for their stage line-ups, It was a huge success and the tent packed the whole day.
8 Feb 2012
Why Lesbians Should Celebrate Valentine's Day
The shops are brimming with hearts, roses and sickly sweet sentiment reminding us that Valentine's day is nearly upon us and providing plenty of reminders to where I was a year ago with the ending of yet another relationship. Far from Cupid firing his bow to bring romance it seems his bow is laced with something far more toxic when in my direction, for Valentine's has become synonymous with heartache and the anniversary of my relationships ending.
The new girlfriend announced pretty soon after anything red started appearing in the shops that she "doesn't do Valentine's" in a disdainful tone that said this was not up for debate and booked herself a holiday skiing for the week. So I've had little option but to settle for the fact that I won't be celebrating Valentine's this year either.
It's a hallmark holiday that fills me with a certain foreboding dread, but yet as a soppy romantic I enjoy having a day devoted to love, spending time making a lovey-dovey card and doing something special with your partner - just a shame it falls in February when we're all suffering from SAD and on a come down from Christmas and New Year.
The new girlfriend is not the first in my life to say it's all nonsense and I've equally had girlfriends with whom I've not celebrated our annual anniversary (the philosophy being, why celebrate like it's an achievement to reach X years together if you plan on staying together forever). I've also known couple's that do not buy each other gifts for Christmas and birthdays, pooling money instead to complete home improvements and renovations or to save up for large items such as cars, holidays and entertainment systems.
Lesbian bed death is not just a myth for lesbians in long term relationships. It is well recorded just from conversations with mates that lesbians have less sexual intimacy as relationships progress and (research showing) less than other types of relationships. Figures for the last five years for civil-partnership dissolvement in the UK show lesbian couples are twice as likely as gay men to separate (1.6% of formalised gay male relationships have been dissolved, compared with a dissolution rate of 3.3% for lesbian partnerships)
Cynics say that Valentine's Day is artificial and we should be taking time to do something special for our loved ones throughout the year, not just on these 'commercially' created days. But they can also act as a reminder to put our troubles and busyness aside and dedicate time to the person that we can often take most for granted. If that means using Valentine's as an opportunity to buy a new 'toy' to maintain or re-ignite intimacy or doing something to keep the spark there, then that for me is reason enough to celebrate and not be cynical - that's if Cupid hasn't laced his bow again!
The new girlfriend announced pretty soon after anything red started appearing in the shops that she "doesn't do Valentine's" in a disdainful tone that said this was not up for debate and booked herself a holiday skiing for the week. So I've had little option but to settle for the fact that I won't be celebrating Valentine's this year either.
It's a hallmark holiday that fills me with a certain foreboding dread, but yet as a soppy romantic I enjoy having a day devoted to love, spending time making a lovey-dovey card and doing something special with your partner - just a shame it falls in February when we're all suffering from SAD and on a come down from Christmas and New Year.
The new girlfriend is not the first in my life to say it's all nonsense and I've equally had girlfriends with whom I've not celebrated our annual anniversary (the philosophy being, why celebrate like it's an achievement to reach X years together if you plan on staying together forever). I've also known couple's that do not buy each other gifts for Christmas and birthdays, pooling money instead to complete home improvements and renovations or to save up for large items such as cars, holidays and entertainment systems.
Lesbian bed death is not just a myth for lesbians in long term relationships. It is well recorded just from conversations with mates that lesbians have less sexual intimacy as relationships progress and (research showing) less than other types of relationships. Figures for the last five years for civil-partnership dissolvement in the UK show lesbian couples are twice as likely as gay men to separate (1.6% of formalised gay male relationships have been dissolved, compared with a dissolution rate of 3.3% for lesbian partnerships)
Cynics say that Valentine's Day is artificial and we should be taking time to do something special for our loved ones throughout the year, not just on these 'commercially' created days. But they can also act as a reminder to put our troubles and busyness aside and dedicate time to the person that we can often take most for granted. If that means using Valentine's as an opportunity to buy a new 'toy' to maintain or re-ignite intimacy or doing something to keep the spark there, then that for me is reason enough to celebrate and not be cynical - that's if Cupid hasn't laced his bow again!
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