The shops are brimming with hearts, roses and sickly sweet sentiment reminding us that Valentine's day is nearly upon us and providing plenty of reminders to where I was a year ago with the ending of yet another relationship. Far from Cupid firing his bow to bring romance it seems his bow is laced with something far more toxic when in my direction, for Valentine's has become synonymous with heartache and the anniversary of my relationships ending.
The new girlfriend announced pretty soon after anything red started appearing in the shops that she "doesn't do Valentine's" in a disdainful tone that said this was not up for debate and booked herself a holiday skiing for the week. So I've had little option but to settle for the fact that I won't be celebrating Valentine's this year either.
It's a hallmark holiday that fills me with a certain foreboding dread, but yet as a soppy romantic I enjoy having a day devoted to love, spending time making a lovey-dovey card and doing something special with your partner - just a shame it falls in February when we're all suffering from SAD and on a come down from Christmas and New Year.
The new girlfriend is not the first in my life to say it's all nonsense and I've equally had girlfriends with whom I've not celebrated our annual anniversary (the philosophy being, why celebrate like it's an achievement to reach X years together if you plan on staying together forever). I've also known couple's that do not buy each other gifts for Christmas and birthdays, pooling money instead to complete home improvements and renovations or to save up for large items such as cars, holidays and entertainment systems.
Lesbian bed death is not just a myth for lesbians in long term relationships. It is well recorded just from conversations with mates that lesbians have less sexual intimacy as relationships progress and (research showing) less than other types of relationships. Figures for the last five years for civil-partnership dissolvement in the UK show lesbian couples are twice as likely as gay men to separate (1.6% of formalised gay male relationships have been dissolved, compared with a dissolution rate of 3.3% for lesbian partnerships)
Cynics say that Valentine's Day is artificial and we should be taking time to do something special for our loved ones throughout the year, not just on these 'commercially' created days. But they can also act as a reminder to put our troubles and busyness aside and dedicate time to the person that we can often take most for granted. If that means using Valentine's as an opportunity to buy a new 'toy' to maintain or re-ignite intimacy or doing something to keep the spark there, then that for me is reason enough to celebrate and not be cynical - that's if Cupid hasn't laced his bow again!
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