My straight mate has started dating again and during our latest get together I got to hear all about her Saturday night getting chatted up by a 'cute' guy she really 'sparked' with. He flirted at her, and she flirted back and it all sounds great and I am expecting the story to go on to tell me about how amazing he was in bed and how kind and considerate he is and how it's all been blossoming ever since like a fairytale in the 21st Century. But instead the story ends rather abruptly as she tells me they didn't exchange numbers at the end of the night and therefore have no means of seeing each other again.
"Oh", I exclaim in a surprised and somewhat disappointed tone. "Did you not ask him for his phone number or something?" I perplexedly question, this seeming the logical action I would have taken in the same circumstance.
"Ohhhh noooo", she goes on to explain shaking her head at me, "boys must ask girls. If they don't it means they are not interested enough. I would 'never' ask a guy for his phone number!"
So there was her logic, he appeared interested but obviously not enough, end of fairytale story.
It left me thinking about the dating etiquette in the lesbian world where gender roles do not define behaviour and dating protocols and there's a level playing field. In the same situation as my straight mate I would have asked for the phone number.
A few years back I had been single for about eight months, my longest period as a single girl and I desperately wanted to meet someone, even if just for a bit of TLC fun. Pouring my sexually frustrated lonely heart out over a pint, a mate offered me advice that I still believe to be incredibly effective when it comes to dating women.
'You need to make yourself seem available Susan. You are not vulnerable enough. Women want someone who needs them and you give the vibe that you don't need anyone".
The confidence I was giving out in a bid to make me seem more attractive was actually turning girls off! Taking up the advice I dropped the confidence, (which was for show anyway - I'm quite naturally shy) and I changed my body language to be more open and approachable (further tips on this which I've since mastered, can be found on a previous post 'On The Pull At the GO.GO Festival'). It wasn't long before it started to pay off and I was busy with more than one girl eager to ease my frustrations!
Fundamentally though, as lesbians we are not bounded by gender conformities. If I like a girl, I won't let the opportunity pass and unlike my straight mate would ask for a phone number, preferring to push away feelings of possible humiliation that might follow, rather than drive myself crazy with regret for an opportunity I didn't take with a girl I really liked.
Nearly every girl I've ever asked who said yes, has gone on to tell me how much they appreciated me being bold enough to ask them. It seems that nearly all girls are shy but without gender protocol to dictate who, if someone doesn't do the asking there won't be any lesbian dating or loving going on. Just make sure you're giving the right vibe as available and vulnerable enough!
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