4 Feb 2013

Gay babies - changing the way we converse


Last night I watched a short lesbian film called ‘Birthday’ about two women who had one child together from insemination about eight years ago and wished for a second. It turns out that the to-be birth mother fed up with the turkey-baster approach ineffectively working has slept with the sperm donor to conceive much to the disapproval of her wife.

It reminded me of a birthday gathering last weekend where babies once again were the familiar topic of conversation, despite the group being gay men and women. One of the lesbian couples there were in the process of trying for a baby and my gay mate (the birthday boy) quietly whispered to me later ‘They asked me – but I said no!’

Babies came up again a few days later at an LGBT networking event, when another gay mate jokingly commented that ‘he had never been asked to be a donor – and wondered what was wrong!?’

His tongue in cheek comment a response to an increasingly familiar subject matter that were once the realm of heterosexuals but are now definitely a part of gay life – marriage, babies, children, schools - topics we all agreed at the networking event which made straight parties boring.

Mixed friendship groups of lesbians and gays has become akin to a family planning clinic where wombs and sperm are up for bartering over during a night out. I find it sad that it’s come to this – where friendship means the inevitable question will be asked with girls propositioning their male mates and male mates getting personal with their female friends. New friendships are made with the undertone of sussing each other out for potential shared parenthood, whilst other friendships are lost when your sperm or womb is pronounced as ‘not available’.

As an ever increasing number successfully make the move into parenthood or seek it, they are re-shaping the relationship between the gay community and the lesbian community, the way we socialise, engage and converse and where marriage, babies, children and schools are now a part of that. 

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