Going With Something Different

Last night on iplayer I watched ‘Atlantis’ that tells the story of the lost Minoan civilisation. Previously considered a myth created by Plato’s imagination, it is now believed that Atlantis was in fact based on true events on the island of Thera (now Santorini).

On my arm I adorn a tattoo of the ‘labrys’, a double headed axe, the holiest of religious symbols from this civilisation and used by Minoan priestesses for ceremonial uses and sacrifices to the Gods.

Most interpretations have identified the meaning of the double blade as associated with ‘mother earth’, some as a butterfly rather than an axe, others as the symbol of the moon with the two curved edges indicating the waxing and waning phases on either side of a full moon.  As a modern symbol it is used to represent lesbian and feminist strength, empowerment, self-sufficiency and independence.

Having been down on love over the last few years with incompatible and challenging choices of girlfriends, my friends fed up with picking up the pieces of my broken heart and nursing me back to my former self, want to take matters out of my hands and choose the right girl for me before I embark on another painful disaster romance. 

In fact they’ve already chosen the girl. She’s stable, hard-working, kind and considerate – all the wonderful qualities any sane lesbian should be clambering over themselves to hook up with. “She’s ideal for you” they tell me. “She’ll treat you right”.  I’m unconvinced, not with doubts about the character analysis of the girl in question, but as my boss so simply summed up, “You’ll be bored!”

It seems that subconsciously I desire a challenge and therefore attracted to those who are not altogether good girls. My boss says it’s a result of my hard upbringing with a childhood that needed ‘a warrior attitude’ to overcome, survive and succeed, that my ‘labrys’ tattoo and choice of girlfriends is a representation of this.  

The challenge in adulthood I am now discovering is knowing when you are reacting to default programming, that the ‘warrior’ can stop fighting and lay down her weapons. Hence why the prospect of someone capable of loving me completely and unconditionally and treating me right, leaves me feeling like a fish out of water. 

May be it is indeed time for me to learn from the Minoans for whom the double headed axe was a spiritual symbol that was about creating harmony with the Gods not a weapon to fight with, as mine may well represent. May be I should trust in my friends who know me better than myself at times and let them take charge. They seem to know what I need better than I do and with time, I can become the warrior only too happy to put away her weapons.