When 'No' Is Enough

Out with mates in a local bar and one drink led to another. We moved upstairs where the dance floor was pumping.  A few more hours and a few more drinks and the night is drawing to a close. Only the hard core few are left, and the lights are due on at any moment. 

Fuelled by alcohol and a happy vibe from a great night out with friends, I approach a woman I know chatting at the bar. I’m eager that the night not end and it’s someone I’ve had casual ‘fun and frolics’ with before. 

I interrupt her conversation and get straight to the point, “Do you want to come back with me?”

Her response is rather akin to the ‘sandwich’ method that line managers are taught for dealing out ‘positive feedback’ to their staff. 

“I really like you; I had fun the times we were together. But I’ve realised I don’t want something casual. I want to be either in or out of a relationship, not something that’s neither. ”

She goes on to explain in contradictory terms about how she’s not ready yet, she’s confused and doesn’t really know what she wants, that she really likes me, but we wouldn’t work out.  ‘You want something different to me’ she finishes on. 

I wonder if she’ll remember this conversation the next day and the complete mixed explanation she gave me. The only thing that was clear was that I was going home alone. So I left to lick my wounded pride seeing no reason to stay any longer. 

As I walk home I ponder about how lesbians will always tell you (or you know it) that they are not ready, that they don’t want to rush into something, they’re still getting over their ex or other personal circumstances. But then in the next breath, they rush straight into a relationship with another after the first date, baggage in tow. 

Her parting words of rejection stung, because at some level we all are seeking that special someone with whom to share our lives with.  I’m just honest about where I’m at and therefore unwilling to set expectations otherwise to myself or others in offering commitment.  

The following day I’m having coffee with a couple of my male gay mates laughing and recounting the previous night. I tell my tale of rejection and the conversation that took place subsequently. 

“Wow!” Seb says in surprise. “You lesbians say all that when ‘No’ would be plenty? Is that normal?!”

“Yes”, I replied.