Make Me Feel Like I’m The Only Girl

There’s a word I’m increasingly growing to hate as I hear it used time and again by the girls I’ve liked, loved and shagged. It was a firm favourite in the vocabulary of my ex girlfriend and once again I find myself a recipient of it from the girl who’s just vacated my bed this morning.

As she opens the door to leave she turns to me and says, “I’ll see you later”.

“Come back tonight” I request, after all ‘later’ leaves it as wide open as my front door at this precise moment and I want to see her again.

“May be?”, she replies with a cheeky smile and an aloof shrug of the shoulders, “or may be tomorrow?!” 

I’m disappointed and unimpressed because I know I won’t see her tonight and I know she doesn’t mean tomorrow. Having experienced 'later' often, I've learned that ‘later’ means anything but. It usually implies a strategy of ‘treat them mean to keep them keen’, a game plan that you are part of to boost their ego, keep you wanting more, keep you ‘on your toes’ and to keep their own options open.

To me, ‘later’ means this evening but is used by so many other girls to mean ‘at some point in the future as and when it suits me'. The reality of this being the end of the week, next week, next month, whenever we happen to bump into each other, whenever I’ve not got better things to do, whenever I’ve not got a better offer or even just when I think I’ve kept you hanging long enough that you’ll be begging me to see you when I next contact you.

I don’t like being part of a game plan. I would rather she had said nothing and walked out, than allude to wanting to see me again on her terms when she wants it. I could play this game too – act indifferent – wait for her to lose her patience by pretending I don’t care if I never see her again, but why should I not show my emotions and invite her back? Why does this suddenly make me needy and therefore something to be played with like a cat with a mouse?

I’ve been here before and got the t-shirt, again and again and again, but not this time. I don’t want to play this game of allowing you to feel like you’re in control of ‘me’ and ‘us’ and me feeling the pawn piece. If you want me, show it.

The chorus of Rihanna's song 'Only Girl (In The World)' plays in my head as my front door closes, 'I want you to make me feel like I’m the only girl in the world'.