Breaking In....To the Lesbian Scene

The lesbian scene is not for the faint hearted; at times rather reminiscent of the school playground. To break in, you've got to break out - of your comfort zone. History books speak of a sisterhood of girls, looking out for each other, but I'm not convinced it exists in the lesbian world - not in Brighton anyway.

I remember 10 years ago, struggling to get chatting to other girls in the local lesbian bar. I had just moved here. They were all in their cliques and if you approached anyone, they assumed you were chatting them up. If they weren't interested in you, there was no chance of friendship being offered.

In the end I gave up after too many nights nursing a pint with only the bar staff to talk to. I joined a youth group (I was 23) and that's how I've done it since - sports groups, church groups, walking groups and volunteering for LGBT organisation's. Now I seem to know loads of people, but I see my friends struggling, desperately wanting to get to know others, trying to strike up conversations in bars.

Is this just a girl thing? A lesbian thing? Or a Brighton thing? They say we're the 'gay' capital; does being in a gay mecca make it harder? Is it because there's so many of us we can choose to be exclusive, or is just about our own insecurities and perceptions? I remember in Plymouth where I lived previously and you got a 'hello' from someone regardless of whether you knew them or not. In Brighton any acknowledgement of your existence is only if you are known.

I'll admit I'm as much a culprit, despite my own personal experience of isolation a vivid memory. I've been out for so long and living in Brighton for over a decade now, that I often just am not interested in getting to know the 'new girls on the block'. I'm even less inclined when I'm in a relationship. When you're single, you're more open to meeting new people I find - and lesbians nearly always come in pairs.

I was lucky in that I was just young enough to be able to go to a lesbian, gay & bisexual youth group. People come to Brighton thinking it is easier here with a large scene. If you're young maybe, but those over 25, be prepared, you'll need a plan of action and willingness to step out of your comfort zone -in order to break in.