You're Not My Kind Of Girl

The first thing I want to find out about you when it comes to love, even when I browse dating sites is your star sign because there are star signs I like to avoid.  Not because of what the astrologers say about how well we might or might not match but because I think there are associated character traits which I've come to learn through previous painful experience that do not mix well with my own.

"That's stupid!" You may well question, but then we all do this in different forms: 'She's blond, I like brunettes', 'She's butch, I like femmes', She's too tall and she's too broad', 'She's too this, and not enough that' - the list we have in search for 'the one' are often endless.

My favourite source of advice when searching for the right girl

It was rather refreshing when my friends picked The New Girlfriend on my behalf. The astrologers clearly state it's a match made in hell and in my own opinion she wasn't 'my type' at all, and I not hers. If I'd had the spec's sheet of 'my type' to hand, I doubt any boxes would've been ticked. Which could explain how we both have managed to live in Brighton for 12 years, our lives criss-crossing and not notice each other at all. It's not just about looks either, our lives are like polar opposites too which if left to our initial judgement of each other, meant we couldn't possibly be compatible.

"She's perfect for you", my friends assured me. "Trust us, we know better than you".

So far so good and friends were right in seeing what we couldn't with what would work well for us.

Repeatedly I see and hear my single friends closing themselves off to opportunities of meeting someone, sometimes with just a glance because of who they perceive is right or wrong for them.  I feel lucky that my friends stepped in ("because you're rubbish at picking your own girlfriend's" they said) and showed me that we are not always the best judge of ourselves or of others and what's best for us.

So next time you're out looking, I suggest putting your check-list and pre-conceptions away, open yourself up to new possibilities with those you may not normally consider. Ask your most trusted friends to help you find a girlfriend and before you rush to state 'she's not my type', just think what the hell, she just may well be.

Twelve Years of Lesbian Six Degree's of Separation in Brighton.

The New Girlfriend and I were reminiscing about our time in Brighton. I moved here 12 and a half years ago. The New Girlfriend moved here a few weeks after me. Yet it was not until 11 years later we were introduced for the first time by a mutual friend. That's not strange you may well think, until we discovered....

We both went to 'Fresh' - a Friday dyke night above the Pavilion Tavern (The Pav Tav). Anyone else remember those days? Dark, grungy and I always made sure I left around 1am before it all kicked off in the final hour with a drunken girl in your face shouting "YOU LOOKING AT MY BIRD!!!!!"

We laugh as the New Girlfriend jokes that we could have knocked elbows at the drinks bar 12 years earlier.

We both went to Zanzibar, the smallest nightclub in Brighton probably - how the heck did we not meet in there!

When the Candy Bar opened up as a cafe bar on St. James Street, I spend a good deal of time in there often working my way through the wine and shots - Oouch! Here our paths did not cross - for the New Girlfriend was to be found in Legends - a venue I rarely bothered with. But we were both regulars on the dance floor at the monthly Candy Bar night 'Wet Pussy' in Club Envy.

We could both be found on a frequent basis in the two Brighton girl bars: The Marlborough (Marly) and The Princess Victoria (PV), but whilst I was probably in the corner sipping a G&T, the New Girlfriend was absorbed in annihilating everyone on the pool table. Close, but not close enough to collide.

We were both regulars at Club Revenge but as I prefer the top floor and she prefers the bottom, only a chance encounter in the toilet queue could've happened. We may well have been stood in the same line but it seems that destiny firmly had plans on keeping us apart despite the odds.

Then we start talking about the people we know. I pointed out in 'Like a Pack of Wolves' you may not know someone, but it turns out 20 of your mates do. Suddenly the lesbian six degree's of separation in a small world leaves us to ponder further about how our worlds overlaid each other but yet we never met before we did.

The 'ladies' the 'New Girlfriend' danced with at 'Fresh' 12 years ago were flatmates with Lezza A who dated Lezza B. Lezza B was a friend of mine and regularly helped me empty wine bottles at the Candy Bar Cafe that the New Girlfriend never went too. Through Lezza A, the New Girlfriend met Lezza B, whilst I met Lezza A a number of years later through Lezza G. The bouncer on the door of 'Fresh' is the New Girlfriend's best-mate (Lezza C), who may or may not have been the bouncer to throw me out for shagging a girl in the 'Fresh' cloakroom!

Lezza C was friends with Lezza's D, E, F, G and a whole load of others and introduced the New Girlfriend to them all whilst I met Lezza's D, E, F, G and the others years later through Lezza B, but by this time the New Girlfriend was not hanging out with Lezza's D, E, F, G and the others..... and so it continues.

It was only when Lezza H who is friend's with the 'ladies' the New Girlfriend danced with at 'Fresh', who also happened to be a friend of mine through an ex, that we were finally introduced!

Alice's L-Word chart is not just stuff of fiction!