Male fragrances for women. What's your perfect scent?

I decided to put perfume in GGF's stocking for Christmas this year. Sounds simple enough except that GGF like many a lesbian prefers the wood and musk smells of the men's counter over the delicate floral aromas found on the women's isle.

Whilst GGF was out the house I took a rummage at her existing collection to get some idea of what she already likes.

She had an empty bottle of 'Kenzo Homme' which is my personal favourite that she wears. When GGF first bought this I described it like talcum power - which she was completely unimpressed by (and I suspect put her off it) – but to me it's got a very homely smell and love it on her, but buying it as a gift for Christmas would feel completely selfish! This has base notes of Sandalwood, Balsam Fir and Cedar.

Another favourite of mine in her collection is 'Hugo Man' by Hugo Boss. This also has base notes of Sandalwood, Balsam Fir and Cedar Wood like my other favourite. Ummm, a bit of a theme here.

GGF had other various Hugo Boss male scents (Pure & Boss in Motion), Clinique Happy for men, Truth by Calvin Klein and a couple of bottles of Lacoste (Cool Play & Pour Homme); GGF had never mentioned what her favourite was and despite them all running low, I decided to get her something new to try.

Approximately 33% of the female population wear men's fragrances as their preference, yet when I asked for advice on popular male fragrances for girlz in the perfume shops of Brighton (who I thought would be quite familiar with this request as I cannot possibly have been the first lesbian to visit the store asking!) I disappointingly got blank stares in return, whilst the lone male member of staff from one shop was practically quivering and kept running off to get samples from the female counter.

Ditching the (un)helpful sales staff I decided to go it alone. Luckily I had already done some research online thanks to these fab articles:

10 men's fragrances that women love - for themselves
Cologne & Perfume Guide for Queers
Xmas Gift Guide: Fragrances  - Diva magazine
Men's fragrance sales soar

Armed with this information as a long list of possibilities I headed where I could peruse the isles and just make up my own mind. After spraying numerous varieties of male cologne over myself (thankfully GGF was out for the evening otherwise this was going to be no secret!) I kept coming back to the fresh and citrus based Dolce & Gabbana Light Blue Pour Homme.  

... and she likes it. Phew! 

I was born this way, oh there ain't no other way...

It's been a long time since I heard someone say that lesbians and gays choose to be so, and I don't mean some Nigerian leader on a documentary by Stephen Fry, but face to face in the pub. What surprised me more was that the individual making this bold statement describes their own sexuality as lesbian and is as butch as they come. 

Somewhat speechless I jumped into defence mode of the world's LGB population, struggling to splutter out my response I was so aghast.

"How can you say that?! People spend years struggling to come to terms with their sexuality, even self harming or committing suicide because of who they are." 

I pointed out that has she not told me in the past how her family guessed she was lesbian long before she did, demonstrating it's nature that makes people gay or lesbian. 

"Why are you not going out with men and leading a straight lifestyle if it's a choice?! I ask. 

"Because I like being with women, I prefer being with women" was her matter of fact reply. 

I try to get to the bottom of what I still view as a dangerous and outrageous statement to be making so flippantly. 

I finally conclude that the point my friend is trying to make (so very badly) is that all humans are innately bisexual to a varying degree. If we lived in a Star Trek world where all preferences regardless of race, gender and species are acceptable we'd all be 'mixing it up' more. 

I disagree. I would definitely be trying to pull B'Elanna Torres, the Klingon engineer but ultimately she's still female. I do agree more of us are bisexual than what the gay or straight community would like acknowledge though. 

I don't believe we are all innately bisexual if it's about loving another person. Yes if it's just sex (and I've covered before about acknowledging and de-stigmatising lesbians who have sex with men), but there's plenty of evidence that those who try to be what they are not end up very unhappy. 

My friend ended up expressing not such a unique and shocking viewpoint albeit expressed poorly and she is right that there is stigma from both gays and straights towards bisexuality; may be as she believes, preventing more of us from both sides of the fence moving closer to the middle, however to use the words "choice" and "gay or lesbian" in the same sentence is dangerous territory.  

Growing old is feeling good

It's my birthday tomorrow and I'm going to be 37. Reflecting back through the decades, 37 is feeling a good year to celebrate and happily blow out the mass of candles struggling for room on the cake. I'm still feeling a comfortable distance from 40 but four decades after I arrived in the world, life has definitely become more settled and dare I say it, for fear that the Gods that like to play chess and gamble might hear - 'contented'.

Each previous decade has been marked by change and upheaval. I remember aged seven I was settling (reluctantly) into a new school in a new area following a house move by my parents. A decade later I  had recently come out to my best mate Annie and was looking forward to going to University and meeting "others like me". Aged 27 I had made the decision to leave my teaching career and plan what became a two year travel/work experience across Asia and Australasia.

In true fashion, I will be moving again shortly, not to London (where I work) as friends keep expecting me to do, but a mere mile away in the same city (Hove 'actually'!) to live with GGF in what hopefully will be the beginning of a new phase for the decades to come.

Compared to our fellow straight compatriots us lesbians generally settle down later in life. With few responsibilities lesbians can be found, way beyond any mid-life crisis and the onset of menopause quite happy to still be partying like they're 18. It may well be the case that you're as young as you feel, but even if my mind was willing, my body is definitely no longer as much.

I'll admit I'm still on the scene weekly, more than I would be otherwise if not for GGF and her mates who seem to still enjoy it, though I notice more and more of us seem to disappear like Cinderella before midnight arrives!

On occasion I will jealously look at my younger 20-something colleagues who bounce around the office full of energy every day, all day, even seemingly on hangovers, but I'm happy to accept that I no longer enjoy the things I once did: clubbing on a Saturday night, loud pubs, city centre living... spending money on beer.

Growing old is feeling good and I'm enjoying the change of pace that's occurring. I'm optimistic things will just get even better.

I think my girlfriend might be from Planet Vulcan

When Gene Roddenberry created Star Trek I reckon he based the Vulcans on the German populace if my girlfriend's anything to go by. GGF takes a very logical and practical approach to all matters in life to the point where whenever I watch an episode of Enterprise, I can't help thinking how alike she is too Commander T'Pol, the Vulcan science officer!

T'Pol

So when we got onto the subject of gay marriage at the weekend triggered by something on Facebook, I was not at all surprised with how the conversation went:

"I'm not interested in getting married" GGF informs me.

"I've always liked the idea of getting married" I tell her, "or having a pagan handfasting ceremony - a public display to those who know us of our commitment and love to one another".

GGF's Vulcan side emerges.
"Only if it makes financial sense like if your money is tied together and because it gives your partner power of attorney. Then marriage makes practical sense and would be the only reason I would marry"

"What about commitment and romanticism?" I ask, somewhat disappointed that my dreams of a romantic nuptial will never materialise.

"What, running around stressed your family are going to have a big fall out and making sure everything's going to go OK? Being in a relationship IS commitment, isn't that enough?!"

Whilst GGF is uninterested in any form of commitment ceremony and therefore takes little interest in whether civil partnerships or same-sex marriage is allowed, I'm firmly in support of the same-sex marriage bill being implemented giving us equal rights reflected in an equal law and allowing those who believe in a God, the right to have their love acknowledged in a church ceremony.

I would never marry for just practical reasons but because my heart wants it so. Thankfully just as T'Pol is praised for her tolerance of emotional and irrational humans to be the longest serving Vulcan officer on a human ship, so too does GGF tolerate my rather more soppy side.  Maybe in time I can bring out her soppy side too!

Vulcans by the way have only arranged marriages often decided during their childhood.

May be not me, but I'm a firm
supporter of the right to marry.

Is it a lesbian party or dog school?!

The sun's shining, there are signs of spring and lesbians are coming out from hibernation. If you want a party or BBQ you can guarantee at this time of year, there's a lesbian get together somewhere near you. 

However if you've been invited along you'll discover that there's lots of new additions to the party. No, I'm not talking a baby boom in the lesbian populace (just yet!) but I am talking dogs. There's been an explosion of puppy parenting in Brighton and whilst this is good news for the animal shelters (shame on you otherwise!), depending on your viewpoint this could be good or bad news for any BBQ you've got planned as you'll need to keep hold of your pint and your sausage. 

Not content with one dog, it's common to find lesbian households with two or three. Times that by multiple lesbian households at your party and even the most popular of girls will find our four legged friends are outnumbering our human ones! I've noticed that one friend has even put a restriction of "one dog per person" for her upcoming get together to control their number before it gets out of hand. 

It seems that lesbians are ditching cats in favour of being dog lovers, and just like human nurseries, you can find lots of obsessive parenting with shared doggy tales around the camp fire, as well as helpful and empathetic tips and advice when your Bruno the Bull Terrier goes ballistic because Sandy the Staff has stolen his ball.  

If you're allergic to dog hair or not a dog lover, or actually just want to chat about something other than dogs, you've been warned, this may be a summer you prefer to sit out. 

The dogs will be looking to have just as much fun as you!
Copyright Whiskers Resort. 

A lesbian man-crush

This Saturday I'm off to London with the GGF for the David Bowie exhibition at the V&A museum. GGF loves Bowie. Her best friend who loves Bowie is coming too.

Even my best mate, who's not coming on Saturday loves Bowie and has a painting of him adorning her living room wall,

“He's the only man I would marry” she's told me in the past. I presume she means if he was in his formative years.

Bowie is a classic example of a “man-crush”. Men that are adored and loved by gay women. I look at the painting on my friend's wall and wonder what it is that has these lesbians and others like them adoring him? May be the V&A exhibition will give me some insight.

I've got a man-crush on Dermot O'Leary and eagerly await X-Factor every year just so I get to enjoy his company every Saturday and Sunday night. To me he comes across as the perfect gent, a nice guy, my perception of the perfect man – qualities I want in my female partners actually. I'd be devastated if I was to discover that he's actually an absolute b*****d.

Whilst Lady Morgana the evil High Priestess with her bad ass attitude from Merlin has me dribbling profusely in the world of fantasy, it's Legolas, the Elf Warrior in Lord of the Rings I go weak at the knees over - I just can't resist his long flowing blond hair and cute pointy ears.

Other popular man-crushes by lesbians are David Beckham, Professor Bryan Cox, Daniel Craig and Brad Pitt (I particularly liked him as Louis de Pointe du Lac, the Louisiana vampire in Interview with the Vampire).

Do you have a man-crush you'd like to share? May be you can explain what it is about particular guys that lesbians just love?

Fingers crossed David Bowie makes an appearance tomorrow (Mr B - 12 noon please!) Not only will that put me firmly in first place as the best girlfriend ever (as I bought the tickets for GGF's birthday) but I can ask Bowie directly about his man-crush status.

Which lesbian icon are you like?

Brighton LGBT Pride which takes place on August 3rd have announced this years theme as 'gay icons'. On hearing this it immediately made me think of my girlfriend who's obsessed with David Bowie and will be cheering the loudest for any parade entry with a Ziggy theme. It might even inspire her to dress up with his iconic flash for the occasion too. My face paints are at the ready!

Gay icons is a great theme to get us all excited this year. Synonymous with the LGBT community we've all got a love of someone from the glitzy diva's we like to emulate to the sports personalities we admire.

It's also a great theme because gay icons are allies or those who are out and proud - those who have stood up publicly for LGBT rights, equality for all and challenged those who have been against us. With the equal marriage Bill currently being debated in the Houses of Parliament and LGBT bullying in schools at the forefront of major campaigns to tackle the issue; celebrating and acknowledging those that publicly stick up for us whether gay or straight is a powerful and important message.

Pink is a popular icon for lesbians

Whilst names like Martina Navratilova, Claire Balding, Jane Lynch and Pink immediately spring to my mind as great lesbian icons, I did a quick Google search to see who else we might see represented in the parade. It will be particularly interesting to see the generational differences for people's icon choices.

Instead I got distracted by a 'Which Lesbian Icon Are you?' quiz on the website AfterEllen. They'd identified the following as key (American) lesbian icons: Gertrude Stein, Wander Sykes, Ellen Degeneres, Rachel Maddow, Peppermint Patty, Martina Navratiova, Xena Warrior Princess and Melissa Etheridge. Half of these I've no idea who they are! After 12 questions about my personality, life style and contributions to the LGBT community it announces my result declaring me akin to gay icon Rachel Maddow, an American television host, political commentator, and author.

Which LGBT icon will you be eager to see and who do you think you're most like?