Protecting the Shoot

It’s just as well that us lesbians are always breaking up and making up; often with the girl that others disapprove of, as it provides plenty of gossip fodder for us to graze on, which we love. But when you first start getting close to someone it’s a challenge to not let your friends, however well meaning, destroy whatever’s blossoming for you.

You both might have pheromones coming out of you at a rate that could be bottled and sold, but before you’ve even had the chance to tell your wannabe girlfriend you fancy her, friends have intervened.

Lesbians love seeing everyone paired up and the more it’s a Walt Disney style story of romance they can repeat for ever after, the happier they are. In their excitement at seeing you swoon they are eager to help you both speed up the process to Holy Matrimony.  When you nip off to the loo, they will happily tell your wannabe girlfriend how much you have the hot’s for her, how great it is that the ‘two of us’ are getting it on and what a lovely couple we make. You return to a crimson faced individual, awkward silence and attention diverted to the exit door as you both now wonder how to react to the knowledge that’s been shared but not previously voiced between you.

If it’s a friend you’ve been spending lots of time with everyone automatically assumes you’re now fucking, with friends questioning you about whether it is such a good idea. Locking lips and bedroom activity may be what’s on both your minds, but suddenly you’ve found yourself by default in a phantom relationship together that everyone is trying to justify, except may be your ex who’s exploding over it like a landmine that’s been tripped.

If it’s not someone you’ve previously known you can guarantee that there are plenty of others around you who do. The curtain twitchers at the local dyke bar and gossips at the ‘smoker’s corner’ will provide you with their penny’s worth of advice and history about the girl in question.  Who needs Google or Facebook to do your research; the local dyke bar is a library of information with all the girls in your area fully catalogued down to bra size!

I remember when one of my friends met and fell in love with a woman she’s now betrothed too.  It caused huge upset at the time, not because they disapproved, but rather because she kept the girl well away from everyone for the first 12 months of their relationship. Her social circle took it as rejection that they were not good enough mates to be introduced and meet this woman that meant so much to their friend.

I understood completely why she did it. To protect any relationship so it flowers as and when it is ready too, the right thing to do is exactly that – keep your girl away from prying eyes and interfering friends, however well meaning or intentioned.  In the excitement from those around you, it’s easy to feel the relationship is dictated to you where instead of going with the natural flow you get lost in the speed that your friends think is appropriate and correct, but which puts intense pressure to move faster than what you want or are ready for.

Your partner and relationship (loosely used) both need to be protected from the scrutiny under which they are put, so that you can continue to discover and learn about each other first, with strong roots for when you make your public appearance as a couple.