German Girlfriend was away again for
this years Valentine's Day – last year she headed off to snow
topped slopes and this year she's headed off for sun, sea and sand.
Having started a new job in London, I wasn't in a position to go with
her.
Love was definitely in the air at work–
there were a number of deliveries of red roses in the office, one of
my colleagues left early to have fun with her beau whilst others
described the things they had planned for their romantic evening and
bolted for the exit when the clock struck five.
I attempted to block it all out as just
another day. Cynical GGF did attempt to send me an e-card, knowing I
would want something being more of a romantic than herself but it
didn't work, with neither technology nor romance her forte.
Despite my efforts Valentine's was hard
with the girlfriend away but then she's not into it anyway; her
absence about how little she rates it. It summed up to me though, how
emotional love can be for the wrong reasons.
My former boss once commented to me “Susan,
you seem much happier when you're single”.
Happiness was the wrong word. I
definitely feel freer. I don't mean in the sense of having freedom to
do what I want, with who I want and how I want, but I do mean free
from the “emotions” caused by being in love. When I'm single I
almost feel more stable.
Don't get me wrong, I love GGF and
would not choose to be single in replacement of having GGF in my
life, but being in love with another can be a roller-coaster of
emotions that are not necessarily euphoric. You are two individuals
where compromise and consideration are paramount for the partnership,
but not always given.
I've shed more tears caused by actions
of girlfriends than I have from other causes. My heart felt broken
when GGF went away – I had to keep reminding myself she was coming
back and I wasn't dumped!
We can all recognise times in our week
when our relationships affect our emotions causing us to feel upset,
stressed, anxious and distracted whether through mis-communication,
mis-understandings, jealously, disputes, tensions, selfish behaviours
or their absence.
Times when I wish I wasn't affected by
the love I felt for another.
Today at work a colleague asked if I'd
swap my brain for a robot one if I could – giving me super
intelligence.
“Like the Borg in Star Trek?” I
asked. “Or Data?”
I pondered his question seriously, as
the idea had some appeal.
“But then I'd have no emotions.” I
say realising how much these actually, good or bad, make us who we
are. “I'm not sure I want to be emotionless. The Borg were mean –
I wouldn't want to be like that and even Data developed an emotion
chip he believed it so necessary!”
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